so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
