Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
