Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
