worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
