Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
