I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
