Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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