I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
