I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
