Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
