I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
