I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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