I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
