i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize