just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Someone signed my nipple.
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