How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
