wrigley field is MILF paradise
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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