its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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