no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
