Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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