he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
