You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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