I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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