so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
