Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
