Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
