Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
