FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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