at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
