I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
