1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
