Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
