I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I love black thongs
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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