Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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