omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
