That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
