How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
