you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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