Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
