How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
