I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
