i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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