M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Randomize
