At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
