So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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