If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
