I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
