Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
