Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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