I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
